I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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