sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
