think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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