he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
