So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think my moral compass just broke
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
