garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
