I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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