nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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