i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
