Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
