I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize