I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
