i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Randomize
