i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
