I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
