Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize