hotel room ftw
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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