i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize