every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
