I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i will never coherently bang her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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