I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize