If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
