Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize