I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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