guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
