I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
