so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
