Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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