You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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