coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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