Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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