Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
