I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
