i don't like sucking hair
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
