i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
