I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
