Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize