You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My feet surprised me
Randomize
