I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
