your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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