If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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