did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
