I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
