these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
