Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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