Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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