i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
