Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
