will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
