I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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