he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Mom said you looked used
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
