i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
