Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
