Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
