Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
