You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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