Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
