I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
