I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
