Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently you make a good broom.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize