i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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