Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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