Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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