i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
