i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
