I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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