I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize