i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
