I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
