Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My ATM looks so different sober.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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