Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
