I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
