But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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