Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
