he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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