So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
