If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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