a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
