Apparently you make a good broom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
