Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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