i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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