My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
