ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
