true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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